Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to SASHA NEIN
by SubstandardProducer
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a brand-new, awesome-tastic SASHA NEIN unit. As the SASHA unit can be utterly confusing and obscure, we recommend that you read this manual carefully and thoroughly.


Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to SASHA NEIN

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a brand-new, awesome-tastic SASHA NEIN unit. As the SASHA unit can be utterly confusing and obscure, we recommend that you read this manual carefully and thoroughly.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:

Name: Alexander "Sasha" Klaus Nein

Sex: Male

Age: 31

Height: 6' 3"

Weight: Too thin

Place of manufacture: Leipzig, Germany

YOUR "SASHA NEIN" UNIT COMES WITH THE FOLLOWING ACCESSORIES:

Bottle green suit coat

Beige and tan sweater

Black dress pants

Italian leather shoes (1 pair)

Badass sunglasses (2 pairs) (Your SASHA unit prefers to be prepared at all times and is photosensitive, hence the spare glasses.)

Pack of cigarettes (x2)

Psychonauts jumpsuit (spare clothing)

Psychoportal

The Laptop and Brain Tumbler accessories are highly prized by SASHA units and can be purchased separately.

PROGRAMMING:

Your SASHA unit is highly versatile and interesting to be around. Here are some of his many functions:

Experimental Scientist: The SASHA unit is fascinated with science in all of its forms, especially experimental psychic neuroscience. He is rarely so happy as when he is unlocking the mysteries of the universe. As such, your SASHA unit is a fount of knowledge and is often happy to share his discoveries.

Psychic Secret Agent: Your SASHA unit can utilize a large variety of psychic powers (described below). These, along with his extremely high intelligence, general competence, varied skills, highly developed sense of duty, and pure badassery, make him an excellent, elite secret agent dedicated to solving crimes and protecting those who cannot protect themselves. This function is awesome in both senses, but has the side effect of making SASHA units take themselves and life itself a little too seriously.

Mentor: Your SASHA unit is invested in helping young psychic units realize their true potentials, especially if he gets good data from doing so. As he firmly believes in not mollycoddling protégées, he is a good choice of mentor for those not faint of heart.

Interior Decorator: SASHA units possess a highly defined sense of aesthetic taste. If you agree with your SAHSA unit's preferences, he will be a great help in creating a pleasing living space. If you don't agree, you're probably in for trouble, but SASHA units are known for listening to reason.

Pleasant Companion: SASHA units are intelligent, courteous, and well-read (though they can be a bit too blunt at times). If you are interested in a wise and conscientious (albeit a bit weird at times) friend, a SASHA unit is a good choice.

YOUR "SASHA NEIN' UNIT POSSESSES THE FOLLOWING PSYCHIC POWERS:

Psiblast (specialty power)

Pyrokinesis/Pyrotism (do not use around MILLA VODELLO units unless absolutely necessary)

Telekinesis

Levitation

Clairvoyance

Psi-shield

Telepathy

Invisibility

Astral projection (in conjunction with the Psychoportal)

YOUR "SASHA NEIN" UNIT COMES WITH THE FOLLOWING MODES:

Nerd (default)

Extreme Science Focus

Mission Mode

Blushing, Stammering, and Flustered

Carefree

Angst

Rage (locked)

Caring Boyfriend (locked)

Notes on Modes:

Extreme Science Focus Mode usually kicks in around computers, fellow psychic units, or fascinating phenomena. This mode is characterized by your SASHA unit dropping whatever he's doing at the moment to investigate. It is very difficult to get SASHA units out of Extreme Science Focus Mode; even if you manage to regain his attention, he will most likely return it to the "compelling" person, thing, or event given half a chance. The best way to get a SASHA unit out of this mode is to either just wait for him to finish investigating or get a MILLA VODELLO unit to drag him outside for some fresh air.

Mission Mode usually activates after a mission assignment from a FORD CRULLER or TRUMAN ZANOTTO unit, but it can also be activated by imperiled people or an attempted world takeover by OLEANDER and LOBOTO units.

Blushing, Stammering, and Flustered mode can be activated by a MILLA unit acting particularly flirty, a MILLA unit wearing flattering/sexy clothing, or any inquiry as to a SASHA unit's feelings towards a MILLA unit.

Carefree Mode is difficult to achieve, as SASHA units can almost always find something to worry about. However, SASHA units in Nerd, Extreme Science Focus, and Caring Boyfriend Modes are generally in a pleasant or nearly pleasant mood unless something bad is happening or the SASHA unit hasn't had his coffee or cigs.

Angst Mode is rare. It is usually associated with a failed mission, tragic childhood memories, or the SASHA unit getting really, really drunk.

Rage Mode is locked. It can be unlocked by exposing a SASHA unit to an imperiled MILLA or RAZPUTIN AQUATO unit or a truly horrible and sadistic villain. (Despite rumors, exposing a SASHA unit to Tiffany lamps does not unlock Rage Mode, but it does inevitably result in the destruction of said lamps.) However, unlocking your SASHA unit's Rage Mode is universally recognized to be a really hideously bad idea.

Caring Boyfriend is an extremely endearing mode that doesn't interfere with any other modes, although it does decrease the frequency of the Angst Mode. However, it is difficult to unlock. The recommended method for unlocking your SASHA unit's Caring Boyfriend mode is to allow him lots of time with a MILLA unit, wait for him to fully discover his feelings, then get a RAZ unit to encourage him to man up and ask her out. If this process takes too long, the MILLA unit may get sick of waiting and ask your SASHA unit out, thus solving everybody's problems in this regard.

RELATIONS WITH OTHER UNITS:

Your SASHA is a good-hearted unit, although his insistence on hiding and controlling his emotions can make him difficult to deal with sometimes. He has few friends, but holds them dear. Here are the models your SASHA unit finds the most compatible:

MILLA VODELLO: Your unit's respected partner, dear friend, and secret love, a MILLA unit is a perfect companion for a SASHA. Even if her bright clothing and large amounts of enthusiasm sometimes grate your SASHA unit's nerves, the two compliment each other well and enjoy spending time together. A MILLA unit is the best choice for unlocking your SASHA's Caring Boyfriend Mode (see above).

RAZPUTIN AQUATO: SASHA units regard RAZ units as good friends, protégées, and little brothers. RAZ units can get on SASHA units' nerves, but then again, anything can get on SASHA units' nerves. Your SASHA respects RAZ units and has tasked himself with teaching them the secrets of their powers.

FORD CRULLER: SASHA units think of FORD units as mentors and fathers. Do not be alarmed if a FORD unit smacks your SASHA unit one upside the head; it's all part of their relationship.

LILLIANA ZANOTTO: Due to the LILLI unit's ongoing relationship with the RAZ unit, SASHA units often come to regard LILLI units as little sisters of a sort.

SHEEGOR: A SHEEGOR unit makes a good friend and laboratory assistant for your SASHA unit.

OTHER RELATIONS:

MORCEAU OLEANDER: If the OLEANDER unit is in Personal Demon-Posessed Megalomaniacal Mode, your SASHA unit will feel betrayed and adversarial towards him. If, however, the OLEANDER unit has been restored to its true personality (Gruff, Pissy, and Good-Hearted Mode), your SASHA unit is likely to develop a bizarre comradely friendship with him.

DR. CALIGOSTO LOBOTO: LOBOTO units and SASHA units are strictly adversarial. Too much time around a LOBOTO unit could cause your SASHA unit to enter Rage Mode, especially if other units are threatened, harmed, or disembrained by the LOBOTO unit.

WHISPERING ROCK CAMPER UNITS (except RAZ and LILLI units): SASHA units feel responsible for the safety and education of these units but are indifferent to them otherwise unless a CAMPER unit desires to strike up a friendship. Your SASHA unit can become buddies with any CAMPER unit (although BOBBY ZILCH and BENNY FIDELLO units are pushing it), but he is unlikely to form any deep friendships with CAMPERS who are not RAZ and LILLI units.

CLEANING:

Your SASHA unit is likely to become offended at the suggestion that he cannot clean himself.

FEEDING AND REST:

Your SASHA unit eats little. He eschews red meat.

SASHA units need less sleep than other units, but more than they insist they do. It may become necessary to drag your SASHA unit to bed at night. You should probably have a MILLA unit do this.

DISPOSAL:

SASHA units are hard-wearing and very good at getting out of scrapes. Unless your SASHA unit becomes defective and/or dangerous, just tell him to leave if you wish to be rid of him. If he becomes dangerous, call the nearest Help Center and we will deal with him. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DEAL WITH/DISPOSE OF A DANGEROUS/DEFECTIVE SASHA UNIT ON YOUR OWN. WE MEAN IT.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQ):

Q: My SASHA unit smokes like a chimney. I'm worried about secondhand smoke. How do I get him to quit?

A: If your SASHA unit has unlocked Caring Boyfriend Mode, this is easy; just discuss your concerns with your MILLA unit and she'll take it from there. If not, this is more difficult. Your SASHA unit, though highly reasonable, is a creature of habit. Consider getting a FORD unit to smack some sense into your SASHA unit.

Q: I can't afford a MILLA unit, but I really want to unlock my SASHA unit's Caring Boyfriend Mode. Can I use my RAZ or LILLI units?

A: Don't. Just don't.

Q: Can I get my SASHA unit to teach me psychic powers?

A: Only if you've got the potential already and he's gotten the approval of a FORD unit.

TROUBLESHOOTING:

Problem: The SASHA unit seems morose and mopes around a lot, but he's not in Angst Mode.

Solution: Either he's experiencing extreme intellectual boredom or he's worrying about asking a MILLA unit out. Give him some books of really hard brainteasers and see if that helps. Or try giving him coffee.

Problem: The SASHA unit keeps twitching and muttering.

Solution: Rid your house of anything tacky and any LOBOTO or CRISPIN WHYTEHEAD units (and NILS LUTEFISK units, just to be on the safe side).

Problem: The SASHA unit is chanting in German and waving a German flag around.

Solution: He's excited about the World Cup. If neither the World Cup nor the Olympics is occurring or upcoming, your SASHA unit probably needs an interesting science experiment to do or a FORD unit to smack some sense into him.

With proper care and intellectual stimulation, your SASHA unit should give you years of entertainment and friendship. His warranty is two and a half years. See our website for details.

**%%%**

**Author's Note:**

**Sasha's height, age, and birthplace are guesses.**

**This is based on a format by a retired fanfic author called Theresa Green. I couldn't reach her to ask permission so... Theresa, if you're reading this, I've credited you.**

Psychonauts and all characters and trademarks therefrom is (c) Tim Schafer, Majesco, Double Fine, et. al.

Apologies to any offended SashaxRaz or SashaxLilli shippers, not that they've read this far.


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